Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
