we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
