she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
