Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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