i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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