Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
