I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
