I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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