FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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