I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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