you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
