I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
