We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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