I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
