that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you mean i was at the winter classic?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
