Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
