Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
