I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
