hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
