She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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