Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
