I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
