Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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