I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
