I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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