i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
