I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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