I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
