i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
