He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
