Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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