Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
