I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
