i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
