mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
