Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
