I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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