Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
