nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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