Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
