We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
