dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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