My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
