found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
