i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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