Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
