The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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