I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sex in the backyard? Check.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
