Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
