Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
