Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
