what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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