fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
