i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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