He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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