Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's Friday. Sex?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
