Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
