that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hippo gnu deer
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
