I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
